When you are accused of something you did not do your brain and body go into shock.

Your brain immediately goes on the fritz, your emotions are all over the place, your heart beats rapidly, you can’t catch your breath and you are momentarily speechless. Then you become angry and have lots of negative self-talk. ‘Who is this person to blame me for something I did not do?!’ ‘What’s wrong with me that this person hurts me this way?’ ‘Maybe I deserve it.’

The blamer’s intention is achieved! They have made you helpless and defensive. Blamers refuse to face their own inadequacies so they attack you. Yes, blaming someone else for a fictitious situation is emotional abuse.

Blamers are mostly narcissists and narcissists think of only one thing- themselves. They do not care about you; they are deflecting their own inadequacies. Blamers are losers. Blamers are also bullies, to use current vernacular. They have been called torturers, intimidators and aggressors.

Blamers accept no responsibility for anything wrong in their lives. As do narcissists, their narrative is different from others in that it is broaching on being psychotic.

How do you handle a blamer, especially if they blame you for something at work such as stealing clients, gossiping negatively to your boss about you, or if you have a big-time blamer in your family?

You cannot win in a conversation with a blamer. Repeat this to yourself.  If you think you can defend yourself against blamers, you have taken on a war of words, because the blamer will always consider themselves right. Yet this narcissistic individual only thrives on words, similar to a manipulator. Be sorry for these individuals.

What they say is not a reflection on you, it is about their own faults and inadequacies. If you are not involved in the situation and do-nothing to participate, do not continue to play the blamer’s game.

Walk away. You have nothing to prove to others because you know in your heart that you are innocent.

Start something new in your life – do not take what others say about you personally. These people are looking for a fight or to continue an argument; they thrive on words and are very successful at using them to hurt you.

Ignore them. The more you learn to love yourself and expand your self-confidence within, the easier it will be to handle a blamer.

Stay way from them. Life is not fair or unfair it just is. You were the blamers target for the day; do not engage.

Walk away, take care of yourself and do not be a bull’s eye for abusive blamers.

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Joanne Victoria